Roleplaying Doesn't Need Core Rules

I was reading through one of my favorite tabletop RPG blogs today, when I came across this post. Its author, a contributor whose own blog I read regularly, posits that there is a dearth of roleplaying in tabletop RPG's these days. He attributes this (at least in part) to the trend of publishers focusing heavily on the rules, and little to none on roleplaying.

While this may be true, I think it misses a fundamental point. Dungeons and Dragons never really told anyone how to roleplay. Sure, they provided articles in magazines like Dragon to give some pointers to players, but the responsibility for roleplaying always rested in the same place: the players.

As tabletop gamers, do we really need someone to write a book to tell us how to perform? Does the lack of what we might consider an appropriate mention in the core books preclude us from roleplaying entirely? I submit that it does not.

I have heard many people give voice to this same lament, and to them all I say this: Your roleplaying is up to you, and no one else. If you enjoy roleplaying, as I know many of you obviously do, there is nothing in 3rd or 4th Edition D&D that prevents you from doing it. In fact, your efforts to include roleplaying in your games may very well inspire and teach the next generation of roleplayers.

I am currently running a 4E campaign with two virtually brand new players, and they are quickly picking up the basics of roleplaying from the others in the group. They didn't have to read it in a core book, or buy a supplement. They simply watched the group having fun roleplaying, and decided that it was something they wanted to do.

With the shift in recent game systems becoming more focused on the rules, it is up to us, the players, to educate the new players in the art of roleplaying, and to show them why it enhances the game so much. This more than anything will guarantee that they continue to roleplay, no matter what campaign they find themselves in.

In short, let Wizards, Paizo, or whoever provide the game. We'll supply the roleplaying from our own stores.

Nothing Like a Little Unconstitutional Tax

It's always nice to see our elected officials passing another unconstitutional bill. Seriously, what the hell are we paying these guys for? Even the most liberal President in history is looking at this bill and backing away, with advisors saying, "the House bill may go too far in terms of some -- some legal issues, constitutional validity, using the tax code to surgically punish a small group." It's always fun to see a Democrat actually remember the existence of our Constitution.

Passing a 90% tax on executive bonuses is just ridiculous. I know there is a lot of outrage out there right now, but directing death threats at AIG employees is not placing the outrage where it belongs. If you want to blame someone for the bonus 'scandal,' look no further than the people who are now up in arms about it: The US Congress.

The worthless Obama stimulus plan included language that specifically allowed this type of behavior. Everyone knew it, including that brainless git Geithner. Geithner then brazenly lied to the public, saying that he didn't find out about the bonuses until March 10th or so, when there was a raft of documentary evidence to the contrary.

Besides, regardless of how much Congress whines about it, they not only allowed for this behavior, they enabled it. How? Simple. They did not allow AIG to fail when they should have. By enforcing the idea of a bailout, they artificially prolonged the life of the company. It's not like AIG got into the predicament they are in through outstanding management. Had they been allowed to go bankrupt, how many bonuses do you think that company would be paying right now? That's right, NONE.

One thing I have rarely seen mentioned is that even if the bailout bill had included language to bar these companies from paying bonuses, these payments would not have been affected. No matter how powerful Congress believes it is, it does not have the power to abrogate contracts. As these bonus payments were already stipulated by contracts, they were going to be made as long as AIG was still in business.

If the 'geniuses' in Congress want to fix the economy, here's a tip. GET THE HELL OUT THE WAY. The market will fix itself without any help from you. It always has.

Another Stimulus? Seriously?

Looks like the government (or at least part of it) is considering another stimulus package. Now, I was against both the stimulus bill that Pres. Bush passed last year, and the one the Pres. Obama passed earlier this year. As Wall Street is proving, there's really nothing stimulating about the bills that have been passed so far.

So, why another stimulus, and when will this happen? Former Clinton advisor David Gergen said to CNN's Anderson Cooper earlier this week, "I think the son of stimulus is on its way. It's going to be here sooner than we think. My bet is we're going to see a second stimulus much sooner than we thought." The folks over at Politico report that House Speaker Nancy Pelosi is receptive, even open, to the idea of a second stimulus.

If the Democrats in Congress and the White House really want to stimulate this economy, they need to do what the Republicans are finally suggesting: cut spending and then cut taxes. We're falling off a cliff toward an FDR-style government expansion here, and the only hope in sight is that the Republican Party can win enough seats in 2010 to be in a position to head off the vast majority of the first stimulus bill's spending, which won't take place until 2011 - 2012.

Here's hoping that happens, because we can't afford this kind of change.

Posting Drought

Well, it's been pretty slow around here. If you're wondering why, I'm working on transitioning all my gaming-related thoughts into a new project with some friends and past co-workers. As soon as we get everything lined out, I'll provide a link to the new project.

Since most of my gaming production will be transferring over there, I'll be filling my blog with random thoughts on other things, like politics, current events, weird news, and just about anything else. I hope you enjoy the change!

E3 2009: Back to its Roots?

Well, it looks like the E3 hype is officially kicking off, and it's just barely February. The Entertainment Software Association has released a list of the attendees that have been confirmed so far, and there are a few folks on there that didn't show for last year's iteration.

Most notably, Activision Blizzard makes a reappearance. I've been speculating since last year that their decision not to attend in 2008 would either mark the end of E3, or would signal the need to transition the expo back to its original format. Obviously, the ESA has opted for the latter. Additionally, the rabid success of PAX (The Penny Arcade Expo) has basically backed the ESA into a corner. Either they improve, or they rapidly become irrelevant.

This should be a very interesting year to be at E3. We'll have to wait and see how it all comes out.

The list of confirmed attendees so far is:

• Activision Blizzard, Inc.
• Atari, Inc.
• Atlus U.S.A., Inc.
• Bethesda Softworks LLC
• Capcom Entertainment, Inc.
• Disney Interactive Studios, Inc.
• Eidos Interactive
• Electronic Arts, Inc.
• Epic Games, Inc.
• 505 Games
• IndieCade
• KOEI Corporation
• Konami Digital Entertainment, Inc.
• LucasArts Entertainment Company LLC
• Majesco Entertainment Company
• Microsoft Corporation
• Midway Games Inc.
• MTV Games
• Namco Bandai Games America Inc.
• Nintendo of America, Inc.
• Rebellion
• Sega of America, Inc.
• Serious Games
• Sony Computer Entertainment America Inc.
• Sony Online Entertainment LLC
• Square Enix, Inc.
• Take-Two Interactive Software, Inc.
• THQ Inc.
• Ubisoft Entertainment
• Warner Bros. Interactive Entertainment Inc.

A New Project, Perhaps?

You know, I've found myself in a strange state of mind over the past few days. I was using this blog as an outlet for my meager creative urges, when I realized that it was still lacking something. In my years writing for gaming sites, I always had that most effective of measuring sticks, the audience.

The readers will always tell you how they feel, and often, they will feel like you're an idiot. In some cases, they may even be right. I never realized how much I would miss that until it was gone. It's ironic. I find myself somehow wishing for a reader to comment on my blog calling me some sort of fanboy, or a whore for some company or another.

With that thought fresh in my head, I felt another thought bubbling up from the muck-ridden swamp that passes for my mind. What if I was writing for a gaming site? Why couldn't I? I mean, why start one of my own? Everybody's doing it, right? I could even resurrect my old podcast, assuming I could find someone to talk to.

Well, I don't know where to go with this thought. I feel that I could definitely make some small contribution along those lines, but I don't know who would join in, what they would be willing to do, or even how I would pay for it all. I just know that I've got that old itch to make my thoughts available to the general public.

If it actually matures into anything concrete, I'll let you know.

Thoughts on the Resident Evil 5 Demo

Well, since I still have a little bit of my hated XBox Live Gold subscription left, I thought it would behoove me to check out the Resident Evil 5 demo that became available for download. After all, I had heard some really good things about it.

I have to admit, the game looks great. The graphics are smooth and well done. Enemies look appropriately menacing, and the environments meet the recently enacted 'grittiness' standards.

Unfortunately, my positive impressions end there. The control scheme is an absolute nightmare. Down the sight aiming is a great feature in games, but it's sadly missing here. Instead, Capcom presents us with a laser sight of dubious value, and the ability to move it at what could generously be referred to as a snail's pace.

The co-op actions feel forced, such as having my partner hit a button to punch the enemy that has me grappled. Haven't we all about grown tired of quick time events, no matter how they're structured? Just give my partner the ability to punch, and allow them to determine if my sorry butt is worth saving or not.

I understand that people feel the need to 'innovate' in the shooter genre. After all, if they don't try, they get to hear critics say "This is the same old thing." Unfortunately, this often leads to change for the sake of change, instead of change for the better. This appears to be the case with Resident Evil 5, and the game suffers for it.

RE5 may turn out to be an excellent game at release, but this demo is a lackluster showing at best. At this point, I can only recommend it to absolute die-hard Resident Evil fans. In good conscience, I can't ask anyone else to subject themselves to it.

F.E.A.R. 2 - Still Freaky.

I must admit to a healthy amount of skepticism surrounding F.E.A.R. 2. After all, at E3 2007, Warner Brothers was showing off Project Origin, which was developed by Monolith, the developer of the original F.E.A.R. At the same time, Sierra, the owner of the F.E.A.R. IP, was showing F.E.A.R. 2. A few months ago, when Activision closed down Sierra, Warner Bros. picked up the IP and rebranded Project Origin with the F.E.A.R. 2 name.

Now, I was excited to hear that Monolith would be continuing their work on this franchise. I've always loved their work in the past (No One Lives Forever, Tron 2.0, F.E.A.R., and Condemned, to name a few), and I have high hopes for their future releases as well. Still, I held my enthusiasm in check pending the arrival of the PC Demo of F.E.A.R. 2.

Well, it arrived shortly after lunch today. After a quick download (1.76 gigs - about 35 minutes from FileFront here), I jumped right right in. I was quickly rewarded with the type of gameplay one would expect from a F.E.A.R. title: gunplay with slo-mo and a variety of specialized grenades.

On the hardest difficulty, the demo is still fairly simple to complete. There's only about 25 minutes of gameplay, but what is there is all the tension, fun, and goose-bump inducing interludes that you'd expect. Nothing gets the heart rate up quite like having a flash of light reveal a zombie-like female stalking you and eventually grabbing you, only to vanish again.

Combat remains virtually unchanged. You kill a variety of Replica soldiers, all of whom seen genetically enhanced to take massive amounts of damage before succumbing to your assault. Of course, you'll get a chance to peruse a wide range of weaponry, including shotgun, submachine gun, assault rifle, rocket launcher, sniper rifle, and even a handheld laser gun. They even toss in the powered-armor mech suit that has been featured so prominently in the trailers.

All in all, this demo is just a small taste of the game, but I have to admit that it has assuaged a lot of my trepidation about F.E.A.R. 2. Now, I'm looking forward to the game's release on February 10th with anticipation instead. Hey, isn't that what demos are all about?

Join the Fight Against H.R.231

Gamers everywhere are near universal in their disdain for governmental attempts to further regulate the sale of video games. In the past, we've seen several laws in this vein proposed, passed, and struck down as unconstitutional.

The latest contestant on this legal merry-go-round is H.R. 231, sponsored by California Representative Joe Baca. It proposes to place a warning label on every game rated 'T' or higher by the ESRB that would read as follows:

WARNING: Excessive exposure to violent video games and other violent media has been linked to aggressive behavior.

Let's forget for a minute all the other types of equally (if not more so) violent media that exist today. Movies, books, and even the TV news showcase violence every day; all of them sans warning labels. Let's focus instead on the fact that to this day there has been no scientific consensus of a link between video games and violent behavior. In fact, several studies (such as this one by the Pew Internet and American Life Project) suggest that playing video games is actually helpful.

This bill will even require the label for games rated 'T' and above that did not receive that rating for violence. This would not only be ridiculous, it would be overly confusing for parents, and would basically render the ESRB ratings moot.

The ECA (Entertainment Consumers Association)has an excellent page that will allow you to contact your Congressman and voice your opposition to this patently unconstitutional measure.

I urge every gamer to head over there and submit your email right now. If we make our voice heard, perhaps we won't have to wait for this nonsense to be challenged in court.

You can find more info on this bill over at GamePolitics.

'A Miracle in the Hudson'

I'm sure that unless you're living under a rock somewhere you've seen the news coverage of the amazing plane crash story in New York today. Well, to be fair, it wasn't so much a crash as a controlled water landing.

While it's a little off the topics I usually talk about, I couldn't watch that coverage today without being astounded at the professionalism and bravery shown by all those involved.

First, the plane's crew. The pilot, a 29-year veteran of US Airlines and a former F-4 fighter pilot for the US Air Force, made a landing that many would have called impossible, based on the design of the aircraft he was piloting. Keeping the engines out of the water until the last possible minute, he managed to bring the plane down not only in one piece, but on top of the water. Then, he left the cockpit, oversaw the evacuation of the plane, and then walked the plane twice to make sure everyone was off. Of course, all of this was assisted by the copilot, who should receive equal praise.

Second, the flight crew, who kept everyone calm and facilitated an orderly evacuation, which no doubt saved many lives.

Third, the first responders, both official (NYPD, FDNY, Coast Guard, and Port Authority Police) and private (ferry operators). These people leapt into action without orders or questions. They took their boats right up to fuselage of the plane and pulled everyone of those passengers and crew members off the plane and out of the water.

Least you think these things are small ones, realize that a matter of a few minutes in water that cold (35-40 degrees) can be the difference between life and death.

Today we saw an amazing feat of courage, skill, and to be fair, more than a little luck. My hat is off to all of them, and if I ever make it up to New York, I'll be hunting up some of these people to buy them all a drink. I recommend you do the same.

A Dearth of Good Games

Anyone besides me tired of the complete and utter lack of good games over the past month? If you ever listened to the old Gaming Today File-N-Forget Podcast, I know you've heard me rant on this topic before. If so, you'll just have to excuse my pummeling of this deceased equine beastie.

Why is it that game companies try to jam every big title of the year into the 3-4 weeks before the holidays? Honestly, it has to hurt sales more than it helps. Sure, if you have the #1 title of that period, you're going to do well, but that title will do well anywhere in the year, not just around the holidays.

I also understand that traditionally, summer releases don't sell as well, based on the theory that people are actually outside their houses doing things when the weather is nice. While there may be some small grain of truth in this theory, can anyone who plays a lot of games actually convince me that their game time drops off by a significant amount in the summer? Sure, you play less during the day, but if you're a gamer, you don't just stop playing games because the weather changes.

Furthermore, the game companies are actually hurting one another with this practice. Let's face it, these days entertainment dollars are harder and harder to come by, and everyone is much more selective about what they do purchase. Stacking all these games up over one release period simply ensures that games that would normally attract some interest are lost in the shuffle.

I think gaming as a hobby has grown to the point that we now can simply release these games when they're ready, regardless of the time of year. We've all heard stories of games being rushed to completion before the holidays (and the inevitable bugs that result), as well as those that are held for holiday release.

If I could say one thing directly to the publishers of the gaming world, it would be this: We realize that you have always done things this way; however, you should realize that the average gamer is now in his mid-to-late 20's, and doesn't need Mom & Dad to buy him the new game you just released. We can all drive now, so we will go to the store and pick up our copy, regardless of when it comes out (provided of course that the game doesn't suck).

Just imagine a world where big game releases happen once or twice a month, instead of being crammed into one or two weeks a year. Ah, bliss.

Issues with Left 4 Dead Achievements

Like many of my friends and colleagues, I spend a fair amount of time playing games of all types. Lately, the object of my obsession has been surviving the zombie apocalypse in Valve's Left 4 Dead.

Now, I've never been much for grinding out achievements (or trophies, or whatever you call them) in games. I've always been of the mindset that if I get them, that's fine, but I won't go out of my way to earn them. For some reason, L4D has gotten me working harder for achievements than I ever have. I guess that's a testament to the game itself.

At any rate, as much as I am enjoying the game, I find myself getting overly frustrated at some of the bugs in the achievement system. One of the more difficult achievements is to beat a cooperative campaign on Expert difficulty, and the most difficult is likely beating all four campaigns on Expert. Together with some friends and coworkers, I've been playing L4D a few nights a week to try and obtain both of these achievements.

The first time we completed an expert campaign, no one in our group received the achievement. We had a player or two with connection issues, so we chalked it up to that and soldiered on. This scenario replayed itself several times over the next couple of weeks, at times with one of us receiving the achievement. Last night I finally received the achievement, even though no one else in our group did.

I often wonder what sort of restrictions are placed on these achievements, and if it times they aren't overly onerous. After all, even in these technologically advanced times, people will get disconnected mid-game. It's inevitable. Is it really fair to disqualify them because they dropped one too many packets, or their connection reset?

I guess it's a topic for debate; I just know that at times the elation of completing these difficult challenges is offset by the frustration of not receiving the achievement you worked so hard for. Hopefully this will be something that will be addressed in the future.

Google's Not a Cup of Tea?

So someone with far too much time on their hands has determined that doing two Google searches uses as much energy as boiling water for a pot of tea. While I have to admit to being curious as to how these results were obtained (did someone boil the water as the searches were going on?), these types of studies always make me laugh.

Seriously, if the real goal here is to conserve energy, how about we eliminate all these useless studies? How much energy was expended in this study? How much energy has been wasted distributing the data?

Haven't we all gone a little too far with this nonsense? Somebody needs to realize that 'saving the planet,' while completely unnecessary (seriously, the height of human arrogance is the idea that we can destroy the planet), isn't an admirable goal if you plan to do so by eliminating human progress. If the scientists are that irritated about it, maybe they could look into boiling less tea.

New Dawn of War II Trailer is Win

I've always had a soft spot for the Warhammer Universe, especially the 40k timeline. Because of this, it should come as no surprose that I am eagerly looking forward to Dawn of War II, the sequel to the arguably best strategy game ever made.

Every trailer merely increases my desire, but the latest one, featuring the Tyranid race, is quite possibly my favorite thus far. Just imagine a race of Starship Trooper like bugs, without the weakness displayed in that poor excuse for a film. These bugs are armored, can tunnel right under you, and will attack you with all the restraint of a Left 4 Dead zombie horde that can smell Boomer bile.

Seriously, I've embedded the trailer here, but if you really want to enjoy, go download it.

Dawn of War II `Tyranids` Trailer (720p)

Mystery Science Theater Fans, Rejoice!

Somehow, I've managed to miss this up until this week. Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy, and Bill Corbett, veterans of Mystery Science Theater 3000, have a new project called RiffTrax.

What makes this so fun is that it isn't the old movies of the MST3k era, but the popular and well known movies of today. You can hear the crew commenting on Harry Potter films, The Dark Knight, and even the original Star Wars. The trick is that you have to purchase the audio track, then sync it up with your DVD. Alternatively, you can use their downloadable player that will sync your DVD with their audio.

If you've ever sat in a room with a couple of films and ripped on a movie, you'll feel right at home here. At the very least, you owe it to yourself to check out the preview tracks. They're loaded with laughs all on their own.

Why I'm In Middle Earth, and Not Northrend

As anyone who knows me can attest, I've spent a fair bit of time in World of Warcraft. Far too much time, I'm sure some would argue. So last April when I decided that it was time for a little break, some were surprised, and some were relieved.

My 'little break' stretched into November, and a couple of weeks past the launch of Wrath of the Lich King. During my break, I had beta tested and played Age of Conan, beta tested and played Warhammer Online, and found time to play a number of games that had eluded me during my time in WoW. With the launch of Lich King, the Warhammer Online server I was playing on went from bustling to ghost town in a matter of hours. After a week of this, my wife came home with two copies of Lich King, and made the announcement that we were returning to WoW so we'd have someone to group with. I loaded it up with some trepidation. After all, I hadn't played in months. Would I even recall how to do anything?

After spending a little time learning and setting up my new talents, I moved off to Northrend. I have to admit, the new areas are beautiful. Unfortunately, once the novelty of the new areas wore off, I felt that familiar tingle that told me that I had done all of this before. Not the quests themselves, for those remain fairly constant across all MMO titles. Just the idea of working through another 10 levels only to re-enter the grind of raiding for new gear left me doubting my ability to persevere.

It was extremely gratifying to see all my old friends in the guild, and to chat with all the folks who were such a major part of my life for two years. These people kept me interested in WoW long after I had felt my interest in the content began to wane. Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling the desire to play like I once did. My wife was enjoying herself, and I soldiered on through level 73 for her, but my heart wasn't in it.

Shortly thereafter, a friend asked me to join him in Lord of the Rings Online. Now, I had played LotRO in beta, and I must admit I was not impressed. Still, it's been a year, and with a new expansion, maybe they had learned from their mistakes. I agreed that if he sent me a buddy key, I'd be more than happy to give it a go.

Imagine my surprise when I found a lush, beautiful world awaiting me; one that was full of quests that furthered a unified story. This, I thought, was something that I hadn't seen in MMO's before. I set upon my travels happily, braving underground horrors alongside the mighty Dwalin, veteran of the Battle of the Five Armies. Upon my exit from the introductory areas, I found my friends waiting to explain to me the intricacies of the crafting system, and to help me find my way around. Not only that, but they explained the Epic questline and how it paralleled the story of the Fellowship.

Thus far, I've battled orcs, goblins, brigands, and even trees in the Old Forest of Buckland. I've been to the Barrow Downs, danced with Tom Bombadil, and even scaled to the summit of Weathertop. I've even hunted brigands with Aragorn, and shared a smoke with Gandalf the Grey himself in Barliman's Prancing Pony. As a self proclaimed Lord of the Rings junkie, I have to admit, I think I've found a new home.

If, like me, you tried LotRO back in the early days, you owe it to yourself to give it another chance. Its growth and progress as a game is marked, and I suddenly find myself eager to login, rather than finding excuses not to. If that isn't a mark of success for an MMO, I don't know what is.

A Thought About Game Design

I was having a conversation with a friend last night about the current state of MMORPG design, and it got me to thinking. Why is it that we, the gamers, can look at a game and quickly list a host of things that we think would be cool to include, but we never see those things in games? Of course, my friend fell back on the "We pay these people tons of money in monthly fees, so they can afford to do this," argument.

Now, I don't discount that there is some truth in that statement. After all, if you use World of Warcraft as an example, Blizzard is raking in cash. Use 10 million accounts (although I believe the most recent number was 12 million) and the 6 month price of $12.95 a month as a baseline, and you see that they're pulling in $130 million a month, and over a billion a year. That's real money, no doubt.

But where does that money go? There are a lot of costs that the average gamer never contemplates. For example, not only is there the game design staff (coders, artists, modelers, etc..), but there is also customer support staff, billing staff, tech support, and server maintenance, just to name a few. There's also the cost of an astronomical amount of redundant hardware. Most importantly, the bandwidth cost for a game like World of Warcraft must be quite staggering. All of these factors enter into the budget that determines how much is left over for game improvement.

I'm sure that there are people at Blizzard and other MMO developers that have the same ideas that we all do when they look at their game. I'm sure they propose those ideas to their superiors. I'm also sure that in many cases, they hear the response that this or that feature simply isn't economically viable. By that, I mean that the cost of implementing said feature is not justified by a perceptible return.

One thing we as gamers need to keep foremost in our minds is that game design is a business. It's not that the people who do it don't love it, or don't have a passion for it, but to continue doing it they must be profitable. Not only that, but their concepts and projects are most often approved by a management staff that weighs every penny involved before committing to anything.

This is one reason why we see so many sequels to successful games, and why original IP's are now as hard to find as a pizza at a Weight Watcher's convention. The cost of designing a game in today's market has risen to a point where companies are understandably hesitant about throwing massive funding behind an unproven concept. They are much more likely to fund smaller projects that entail less risk, and reserve their massive spending for the Call of Duty title. (To be fair, I love CoD, but it's a great example of a franchise that may live on in perpetuity)

We as gamers perpetuate this ideal. How? We howl for the next big graphics improvement, or the latest in multiplayer tech, or the newest thing in physics engines. We elevate game we like to near mythical status, and we vilify those we don't. Our purchasing power, combined with the power of the internet to allow our opinions to affect sales (I'm looking at you, Spore), make gamers more powerful than they sometimes realize.

So, how do we remedy this? In truth, we can't; at least not completely. The culture is what it is, and it's very rare for something to take a step backwards. However, support for more new IP's, more smaller developers, and more games not found in the mainstream can definitely help mitigate it somewhat.

Maybe, just maybe, we'll see the original IP begin to shine again. Let's hope so. In the meantime, the next time you feel the urge to refer to a game developer as 'out of touch' or to say that they aren't 'real gamers,' think twice before you make that statement. Chances are, you'd be right at home with those folks if you ever sat down with them.

Settling Into A New Home

Well, I've decided to settle all my blogging into a central location. I'm tired of trying to keep up with updating the myriad of blogs I've been run, so this one is going to be my new hub.

I can't promise that any of this will interest anyone, but at least I'll get some things off my chest.